Another classic picture from Standart

05/01/2011 by Christopher Buxton

News comes into the Standart press room that four Bulgarians have been arrested in France for stealing tons of honey from a warehouse.

There’s a short debate. Is this front page stuff? There’s the baby in the freezer story rumbling on, Ex State Security Reds still running the embassies, the constitutional crisis between President and Prime Minister, the persecution of Bulgarians in Macedonia. All in all it is a pretty slow news day.

Hang on it says the Honey thieves were gypsies? That’ll teach those French for being so smugly pro-human rights.

But Boss, the French are trying to deport our gypsies!

That clinches it. Get me a good picture and we’ll run it as a top story.

So some student journalist clicks on internet images. Here we go Boss! I’ve got a smudged picture of a warehouse. No-one would guess it’s Nigerian. Or what about this – bees buzzing round the heather? I’ve actually found a picture of a French courthouse but it looks very boring.

Your dirty mother! Where did we get you from? Just find me a picture of gypsies looking well typically gypsy!

Yeah, well this will do the trick – it’s an aerial shot of a dilapidated cart on a dusty mountain track. There’s a half naked man and he’s definitely brown and the woman’s all huddled up with a scarf. They could be on their way to steal something!

Great.That’s the kind of picture we want! Run the story!

Cut to Inspector Cluseau of the French Surité. “Zut alors! Zese crafty Balkan Siguynie! Zey ‘ave eluded mes crack policiers, avec les getaways carts wiz ze donkeys. such vitesse! Merde! Where is my ‘oney. Get le Bati Boyko on ze phone vite!”

Cut to Bulgarian reading Standart on the Metro:

БГ-роми откраднаха 4 тона мед във Франция

“Awful! awful! The shame! Couldn’t Bulgaria have come up with better contestants on the Eurovision Crime Contest?”