Father Ignorat’s scatological problem page:

11/11/2011 by Christopher Buxton

Father, I’ve just learnt that three Bulgarians have written a book about the Ottoman Legacy in Bulgaria! And it hardly mentions five hundred years of sodomy, castration, slavery, rape, decapitation and impalement. Instead it’s got pretty pictures of bridges, baths and mosques. It’s an insult to all patriotic Bulgarians. I want to give them a good verbal kicking but I don’t know what words to use.

Father Ignorat writes: Anathema my son! I have just seen the writers of this book interviewed on that mouthpiece of Satan, Bulgarian National Television. They must be answered.

In your article, I advise you to ignore Matanov and Trankova.. Sadly our countrymen tend to respect Professors and archaeologists and so you should concentrate on Georgiev as if he was the sole author, People have heard of Georgiev and he’s not known for carrying a machine gun. God bless the pen that turns him into a dark hole. These are the words you should use:

Creature – Like that whore of Babylon, Baleva, Georgiev has lost the right to be called a human being
Mercenary/lackey – Georgiev is motivated only by greed. You can hint that the enemy power, Turkey, is going to pay him millions of lira for his work.
Nihilist – Georgiev has no values morals or beliefs (unlike the original nihilists that your readership will not have heard of) . He would obviously hand his daughter to the first available Aga and sell the film rights to Playbey Magazine.
Cynic – Georgiev exults in the fact that he has no values, morals or beliefs. He can’t pass a Bulgarian statue or monument without a scornful sneer on his face.
Pervert – He’s the former editor of Playbey – need I say more?
Globalist – Georgiev is active in the world-wide great power Zionist conspiracy to undermine Bulgaria’s unique identity and turn the country into a pro American Euro-Caliphate. He only eats at MacDonald’s, only watches Jennifer Aniston Movies and thinks Tripe Soup should be banned.
Multiculturalist/Danish citizen – Georgiev believes that Bulgaria should surrender to rampant homosexuality, vegetarian lesbian feminism and the unrestricted spread of Islam.
Westerner – Georgiev has adopted a typical westerner’s patronising attitude towards his own country’s rich history and culture. Write that he thinks Bulgarians are aborigines. He can’t point to a single positive event in Bulgarian modern history. On second thoughts scratch that last point.
Pseudoscholar – Georgiev pretends to be qualified to talk about matters that only Bozhidar Dimitrov is allowed to talk about.
Illiterate/ignoramus – If you can demonstrate to your own satisfaction that Georgiev has made one grammatical slip or factual error he will earn scorn from your educated Bulgarian readership.
Motherland-beater: Georgiev loves to heartlessly beat his motherland.
Anti-Bulgarian – This means Georgiev hates his country, his parents, his schooling, his church. his ….